Success versus Happiness

 

The notion of success is based on the comparison. There is no way around it. Let us accept that we will have to achieve, society's definition of success in terms of money, power, or material goods to feel successful. We have a ton of books and articles that tell us that you need to define your own success. Really!! Find success in your heart? Idealistic statements like "It does not matter what anyone thinks about you; what you think about yourself is what matters" are the staple of many self-help books. Let me invite your wrath by refuting this. We as humans are not designed to be happy, we are built to survive. This means competing for scarce resources. You will have to have something in material terms that someone does not have. This involves competing with others, the more intense the competition, sweeter the fruit of victory. It is as simple as that.

It sounds shallow, but this is the ugly truth about success. The foundation of success is built on dissatisfaction, discontent and desire. The hunger for fame, recognition, or money drives any individual forward. People who aspire push the envelope of human endeavour that propels humanity as a whole.

Success and Happiness:

Human history has always been led by talented and driven individuals, who have had the conviction, belief and desire to have more than others. The fictional character Gordon Geko (who is far from exemplary)  in the movie Wall Street says “Greed is good” has given us a significant ingredient for success. It all starts with a hunger inside you, call it whatever you want, desire, drive or even greed.

Being successful demands that we have a hunger to achieve more, and it is our constant dissatisfaction with what we have that fuels this desire. So with this constant state of wanting and aspiring can we really be happy. Does not happiness entail contentment, being at peace with oneself? Is there any way we can achieve a balance between competing demands of success and happiness?

Every individual is duty-bound to reach his or her full potential. Sadly we have no means to measure what this latent potential is. We are asked to believe that nothing is impossible if we put our heart and work towards an aim, whatever it may be. In life, though there always be some things, where you are not exceptional.No amount of training, hard work will make you an expert in that discipline. So how do you decide to devote your time and resources to a field without knowing if you will reach the top?

The trick is not to put your energy in any and every field. You must do what you can't,  not do. The desire to put in hard work must be so overpowering that you have no choice but put in the hours to hone your chosen craft. Now you may call it passion, desire, greed or ambition. Doing this does not guarantee that you will become the best in your chosen endeavour, but it will ensure that you enjoy the journey of improvement.

Unlike success that may be defined objectively, happiness is much more subjective. Many people confuse happiness with pleasure. Pleasure is fleeting and transient. Being happy,  on the other hand, is something steadier. Your own attitude towards life determines how happy will you be. We all have within ourself our own happiness threshold. It is based on our personality and attitude. It shows how we are predisposed towards being happy. It can be defined as a state of satisfaction with life, a person returns to after he experiences an event that brings him extreme joy or sorrow. You suddenly might get a ton of money, there will be a heightened sense of happiness, which will wean off in some time. You will return to your threshold. Same is the case if you experience some cataclysmic event in your life. Generally, if we ask people to rate their lives on a scale of one to ten, the most common answer will be number seven. A piece of good news will momentarily take it to an eight or nine, a sad event will take it to four or five eventually it will become seven again. How happy you are is a direct function of your personality and how you think. Your approach to life decides how happy as a person will you are. If you are predisposed towards neuroticism and worry then whatever you may achieve, happiness will always be elusive for you. We also need to understand that individuals have their own threshold. A happy person will be so without anything, an unhappy one maybe having everything.

So what can you do?

Can we do something about the way we feel happy? The first step is self-awareness.   Scot Belsky author of the book "The messy middle" quotes very rightly that "Self-awareness is the only competitive advantage". Finding your own personality type and accepting that your way of thinking determines your happiness is hugely empowering. You need to find ways to improve your happiness threshold, try changing your perspective, and celebrate your little wins. Will they work or not, is something that only you will be able to tell. However, keep in mind; if you cannot be happy with what you have, you will never be with whatever you may achieve. Accepting yourself as you are is half the battle won though the rest is still a daunting task. You read a few articles, listened to a motivational podcast, meditated daily. Let me assure you that when something unexpected comes your way, that affects you badly, this earned wisdom will go right of the window. Like Mike Tyson had said "Everyone has a plan till they are punched in the mouth" there will be events that will test you in times to come. You will feel that the progress you have made has come to a nought. Changing your outlook is a difficult task, even if you relapse into a negative cycle, it does not amount to failing. The road to being happy is a long one and not without its share of obstacles. The important thing is that we stay on course and try to live a happier life.

Renouncing worldly pleasures and material gains to find inner peace and happiness is something that many great thinkers have taught us. Should that happen on a large industrial scale, we will have societies full of only happy people who have no aspirations and drive, and human progress will grind to a halt? As much as we may wish for a theory or a formula to make us successful and happy together, there is no such thing. Life is too complex and complicated to be defined by a statement or an equation. The answer to this dilemma has to be answered by each of us on an individual level.

I do not consider myself to be either successful or happy. I do believe in the power of having one's own mental models in place that helps us in developing an approach to life that may give us a bit of both. Right or wrong, I leave it to your judgement, but either way, you will have to find your own.

The approach towards fitness: Make fitness your priority. I am not talking about a leisurely walk in the park. Push your body to find what it is capable of. Train with a purpose, run fast and long, lift heavyweights.  Let your body surprise you with what it can do. For this power yourself, with the right nutrition. Don't diet and exercise rather eat to train. Personally, it has been helpful to me. I am no bodybuilder or an elite runner, but the effort or pain I put myself has a calming effect on my mind, feelings and emotions.

Be a Gladiator: In life, we have two kinds of people, the spectators and the gladiators. The spectator is the one who enjoys the show. The one who watches life go by. He will clap for the gladiator, applaud,  even criticize the gladiator. The other person faces death, has sweat, dirt, and has blood on his face. He may lose or fail. He may be laughed at for his efforts. Despite all this, he will put his heart and soul in line when he in on the arena. So take action and pursue your craft whatever it may be. Be vulnerable to the bricks that will be thrown at you. The final glory, should it come, belongs to the gladiator, not the spectator. Are you a spectator or a gladiator? The answer to which you must ask yourselves.

Practice gratitude:  I found this personally to be slightly challenging, and it has to be deliberately practised. You will always have things that you want and desire. It is natural to ignore your blessings, but consciously looking at what you have and being grateful for it, will put you in a relaxed state. Do not just say it, you need to feel it.

These models are a kind of software that you can programme your mind, to operate from. As I said earlier, this works for someone does not mean that it will work for you too. You need to introspect within yourself to find what works for you based on what you are.

So many of us make decisions in life based on fear and call it practicality. Though there is no point being a successful person who is miserable inside.   At the same time, you must also continue to pursue excellence in whatever form you can. Let us not become slaves to the religion of comfortableness and do away totally with any desires and aspirations. A balanced perspective on an individual level is something you must strive for, one that pushes you towards excellence in your chosen field at the same time giving you contentment to appreciate and celebrate life as it is.