Embracing being Average

Embracing being Average

One of my favourite movies, which I have enjoyed and have been inspired by is Rocky. The story of a poor has-been sparring partner who makes it big is an ultimate underdog story. It makes great viewing and it has exceptional music, something that is recommended in every gym playlist.  A particular piece called "The final bell" when in the movie after giving a tough fight to Apollo Creed our Italian stallion is walking away with Adrian in his tow, amidst rapturous applause from all spectators. That moment in cinematic history has been so compelling to me, and I have always wanted at least once in my life to experience the "Rocky moment". Despite all setbacks and real or perceived failures, it has been a dream that one day everything will fall in place and people will realise what a great protagonist  I am, giving me my very own “Rocky moment.” As much as I would have had wanted it, it is yet to come, and every passing day; sadly the possibility of it ever happening gets more remote.

We want to be exceptional in all our efforts, in whichever field we are, to be best also translated into being better than everyone. Being competitive brings out the best in us and we are rewarded by the system for our efforts and subsequent results. These rewards especially the material rewards have become the benchmark to measure our success. We also have been made to believe that happiness in our lives is directly proportional to the above mentioned perceived notion of success.

At one end of the spectrum, we have exceptional people who are driven, motivated and go-getters whereas we also have some average people who are looked upon as being not so gifted and they have resigned themselves to a life of mediocrity. Here we must understand that mediocrity and meritocracy are subjective interpretations of an individual's ability. Past experiences, childhood traumas, lack or presence of a support system or even not being gifted enough all contribute to a person's performance. Rewarding based on someone's ability is great but we need to disassociate happiness, self-worth and self-esteem from performance only. .Angela Duckworth in her groundbreaking book "Grit" explains that the efforts that we put in any endeavour count twice. If we are putting in our best efforts and doing so consistently, then there is no need for any external validation, with or without results.

Why do we have such an obsession for excellence? Why can't we celebrate life and self as we are? Everyone cannot be good at everything, and in some aspects of life, we will be average. Under no circumstances, I am advocating that there should be any let-up from our side in terms of effort, but despite everything we do; if we still fall short of our expectations, then I guess we still have a life to live. Why live, it should be celebrated, enjoyed and have a meaning. You may ask if one is happy being average then how will someone be driven, and achieve something in life? However, the same realisation of being mediocre is something that can put in us on our toes and make us consistently put efforts which will surely lead to our gradual improvement in our chosen field.

How did we come about this special love of being exceptional, this brainwashing that has been going on for generations where we are bombarded with ideas of our own uniqueness and specialness? Being average is not sexy; it does not sell books, and it certainly not a multimillion-dollar industry. The truth is we are normal ordinary human beings that are going through life, which itself is shaped by random events most of which are out of our control.

The images of super successful people are all around us, the latest trends, the best bodies, the promising start-up etc are in front of us daily. They are an apt reminder of how special someone is and how ordinary our own lives are. Subsequently blindly trying to emulate someone we pay a price in terms of time. This time can be put to better use, for our own development, with our loved ones. Instead of blindly running behind images on social media we can be better partners, parents friends etc.

The self industry too has a part in making us feel inadequate and unworthy. The creeping narcissism that is evidently on the rise is based upon the pretext that we are lacking something, which the self-help gurus will be able to provide. If everyone was happy with himself and contented then do you really think that we would have such a thriving business, going on? By reinforcing inferiority and shame we are made to set up unrealistic expectations which create more problems than solutions.

After all our efforts if you still fall short of the lofty targets that you had set, you know what happens? Nothing believe me nothing ever changes. The sun continues to rise in the east and set in the west. The world goes on as it has always been, without pausing for even a millisecond at your misery or apparent failure. Well, in that case, you might say we might as well sit on our backsides and binge on Netflix all day. I would say a big and emphatic “No.”This is certainly not what we must be doing with our lives.

The red pill will give you the truth
courtesy: Matrix

If we can free ourselves from our own expectations then we can be who we are? Good, bad exceptional or average it really does not matter. Realising this is like Neo (Matrix series) having the red pill and seeing the world as it is. I call this the "Neo moment". This moment of epiphany makes you free to be yourself and do what you really want to do. If you are lucky you might even find your passion. Here one question that really gives you an honest answer is "Will I do it if money was not involved? If the answer is yes then you may be on to something. You don’t need to be exceptional now, as long as you are progressing, developing and growing then this is more than enough. If at all you need to be obsessed about something it should be constantly learning, growth and development cause everything else is transitory.

Being average you are at least ahead of half of your competition,. Let us face some facts and do a reality check, apart from one to two per cent people we are all pretty ordinary. Even exceptional people are average in most of the other things that are not their core competencies. If you are not an outlier, all you can do is try your best in all your endeavour nothing else. But being average does not deny you the right to have a good life. Let us not confuse being mediocre or average as being something derogatory. It means you are working hard within your limitations, you are a responsible person who takes care of his loved ones. I will go on a step further to say that the world needs some more average people to make it a better place. There is nothing special that you need to do just simple consistent steps and persistent efforts. You will not only find yourself living a good life but also an extremely happy and satisfying one. So read books, learn something new, start a side hustle, run a marathon anything that we do in a relaxed and joyful state and enjoying the experience. We can accomplish many things this way without any judgements or our own lofty ambitions and squeeze the last ounce of talent that we may have. Doing this over a lifetime, you can look back and feel happy and contented of having lived a good life something that you can be proud of.