EGO IS THE ENEMY(HANDBOOK FOR MODERN STOIC II)

Ego is the enemy“

I want to make a confession, it's been many years twenty to be exact when I was in my twenties when one of my colleagues described me to be an I specialist. Everything that I talked about was about me, it was always what I was feeling, what I did, how much I worked out, what I wanted. The appraisal was dismissed by me at that times as something that was beyond my understanding but as the years passed there was a pattern in my thinking that, that all my life I have been an extremely self-obsessed and unknowingly have been self-sabotaging all my endeavours. What was the inflated sense of self that had slowly taken over me even without me realising it?  Every small accomplishment made make me think very highly of myself, and every time I failed, there was a sense, that some injustice had been done to me. These words are no exaggeration; I have actually felt these emotions and these feelings. How to deal with them have been very brilliantly brought out in the book by Ryan Holiday called "EGO IS THE ENEMY".

Here we are introduced to the master opponent that resides within us, how it affects us in various stages of life. Though it gives a somewhat heightened sense of success when we are doing well, it is absolutely fatal when we are faced with failure. The author clearly spells out the aim of the book in the introductory part when he wants us to be less invested in the story of our specialness, thus liberating us to accomplish the greatest work that we set out to achieve.

In his usual style, the author has divided the book into three sections relating to Aspiration, Success, and Failure and in each of these times he has described how does Ego creep in without our knowledge, and in the end destroy everything that we set out to achieve and what we hold dear.

Aspire:

It all begins by aspiring, what we set out to do and more importantly why we set out to do. The why is important before we set out to find out how? The first piece of advice that we are given is to talk less and let our actions speak for itself. Not only are we wasting time but also draining our emotional resources and propping up our Ego by indulging in talking about us. The theme of doing our work with or without external validation is repeated many times with many examples. Life is a college where there is no graduation. Only if we think from a perspective of a student we open ourselves to constant growth and learning. We are asked at times to be dispassionate in our approach and work with a certain amount of objectivity towards our goals. A canvas strategy is advised to us where we are asked to look for opportunities, to do great work wherever we are. We might not be where we want to be or aspire to be, but at every stage, we are given chances to execute projects that will stand the test of time. The chapter on restraint was simply outstanding. Everyone can fight back but sometimes we need a special kind of guts not to fight back, here lies the greatest victory over oneself. We need to watch out against early pride. The Ego inside us wants the fun stuff, which gets, attention credit and glory however only through sustained and dedicated work will our feet stay on the ground.

Success:

Ego is described by the author as the wicked sister of success. By numerous examples, we are shown as to how seemingly successful people squandered away everything they had. Small incremental successes sometimes are glamorised by us, as major achievements, so we are advised to guard against it. Often we need to break down a grand vision and plan into small steps that need to do on a regular basis. Here the value of being process-oriented is explained clearly by the author. We are asked to be truthful to ourselves on what we hold dear in our lives. Our wants should be shaped by what is important to us not by ego or envy of someone else has those things. It is not about beating surpassing someone or having more in life; it's about being who you are without succumbing to things that draw you away from it. No more no less. There is a very interesting chapter called "Beware of the disease of me," the name says it all, think less about yourself and realise that you are a small speck in this immense world. Meditating on the immensity of the world and universe makes ego impossible.

Failure:

If ego lets success gets into our head it destroys us in moments of failure. We fall in depths of despair from where it is extremely difficult to recover. Free from notions of our own specialness we are free to look at any adversity and all its impact on our lives. There is an alive time and a dead time. The dead time is when people are passive and waiting, and alive time is when we are learning and utilising every second. Every moment of failure, every moment we did not deliberately choose or control presents us with this choice: Alive or Deadtime. The correct choice can make every failure a learning experience. The value of effort over everything is explained in much detail, this too has a stoic ring to it. Ego demands that we are recognised for our effort, and we need to reaffirm to ourselves that sometimes the work is enough. Everyone at some time or the other hits rock bottom the problem with ego is that, the bigger the ego the harder the fall. We are blinded by our own sense of specialness to see any opportunities that may present themselves at these moments. Hemingway is quoted very aptly here which sums up this section "The world breaks everyone and afterwards many are strong at the broken places. But those will not break it kills".

Realising that I am not special has been an empowering experience for me. There is nothing to prove to anyone; only myself, also the book has made me question my values and wants. Anger and envy are seductive and seem so justified when things go against you, but in the long run, they cloud your judgement and not let you see things as they are. If there was a way in going back in time I would go back twenty years and meet my younger self, all I will say to him is, that please be Humble in your aspirations, gracious in your success and resilient in your failures, and whatever you do don’t be an I specialist.